Real Estate Industry Terms, Jargon, Code Words & a Chuckle or Two

Real Estate Industry Terms, Jargon, Code Words & a Chuckle or Two

  • Yvonne Summerfield
  • 04/1/20

The Real Estate Industry Has Specialized Terminology Which May Sound Like Code Words in a Particular Communicative Context & May Not Always Be Clearly Understood. The Below Glossary Is Offered in Jest Along With a Chuckle or Two

Address - What a houseware.

Below Market - Nobody wants it.

Bright & Sunny - Window treatments missing; no blinds, shades, drapes, curtains, shutters, sheers, louvers, or slats. No coverings whatsoever.

Build Sweat Equity - Needs renovation from the studs up. See Good Bones.

Charmer - Old.

Charming - Small.

City Living - Exterior doors have 3 deadbolts.

Close to Beach - Impossible to park within 5 blocks.

Comfortable - Extremely small.

Compact - No room larger than 9 x 6.

Contemporary Feeling - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

Convenient to Shopping - Next to strip mall.

Convenient to Freeway - Next to the on-ramp.

Conveniently Located - Ear plugs required.

Country Charm - No indoor plumbing. See Useful Outbuildings.

Country Living - Distances are measured in hours.

Cozy - Too small for human habitation.

Cul-de-sac - Fancy dead-end living.

Cute - Tiny.

Delightful Rural Location - In flight path of nuclear bomber base.

Diamond in the Rough - Upside of a rundown property.

Dirty, Ugly, Smelly - Dirty, ugly, smelly.

Dollhouse Adorable - Nauseatingly cute.

Easy to Show - All doors were removed.

Extensively Modernized - Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.

Extra Storage - Three wall hooks.

For the Gardening Enthusiast - Yard is a jungle. See Natural Landscaping.

Freshly Painted - Single coat of whatever discontinued color was on sale.

Friendly Neighborhood - Infested with busybodies.

Good Bones - Needs renovation from the studs up.

Intimate - Smaller than charming.

Handyman Special - Ready to collapse, don't go in without boots on.

Home Sickness - Reoccurring feeling when mortgage is due.

Homeology - The study of real estate.

Intimate - Smaller than cozy.

Light Open Spaces - Many large holes in walls & ceiling.

Living Room - The place zombies are most attracted to.

Local Authority Grants Available - About to be condemned.

Long Hallways – Home feature that truckers most prefer.

Lots - What you need to know to excel at selling vacant land.

Low Maintenance - No yard.

Lower Level Game Room - Ping Pong table over basement sewer grate.

Mint - Mouthwash spilled on carpet.

Mortgage - Some dream to pay it off while others dream to get one. See Home Sickness.

Mortgage Broker - A real estate broker without a sense of humor.

Motivated Seller - Been on market for 14 years.

Move-in Condition - Front door missing.

Much Sought After - Has been on market twice before & still no one wants it.

Natural Landscaping - Yard is a jungle.

Needs TLC - Major structural damage, code for fall through floor.

Nice Condition - Needs paint.

Not a Drive by - No curb appeal, look for a “Property Condemned” sign.

Offered “as Is” - Money pit.

Old World Charm - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning, has cobwebs.

Open Floor Plan - Previous owner removed all supporting walls.

Original Owner - No upgrades since the year it was built.

Outstanding - Painted bright purple, sticks out like a sore thumb.

Partial Central Heating - The room above the boiler gets warm in summer.

Plenty of Parking – Stadium across the street.

Potential - Will cost more.

Prestigious - Expensive.

Property - What a British real estate agent cares most about.

Rare Opportunity to Buy - Nobody else wants it.

Realtor® - Someone in constant need of closure.

Repossessed - How the haunted house escaped foreclosure.

Secluded - Far far away. See Country Living.

Security System - Neighbor has a dog.

Seller Motivated - Must sell prior to defaulting on mortgage.

Sophisticated City Living - Next to noisy bar.

Sprinklers Broken-on - Constant source of irrigation. See Waterfront.

Sunken Tub – Floor not level.

Surveyor - King Arthur's knight who determined property boundaries.

Tenants - How many insects it takes to make a rental profitable.

Unique - Remodeled by someone tripping on LSD.

Unspoiled - Previous owner made zero upgrades or improvements.

Unusual Features - No roof.

Unusual Location - Directly in path of proposed freeway.

Updated Kitchen - Sink no longer overflows.

Useful Outbuildings - No inside toilet. See Country Charm.

Waterfront - Broken sprinkler in the front yard.

Water View - Need a ladder & binoculars.

Well Situated - In full view of the neighbors.


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